Marilyn Bonita Wray

Remember when it rained

Was thinking about my beloved Marilyn Bonita today (it’s our wedding anniversary today) and this song came up on the radio.

I swear sometimes God is standing right next to me with His hand on my heart.

I’m trying to go on, but when a song touches ‘the one within’ part of me bursts into flame and my grief becomes incandescent agony.

I miss you Didi. Thank you for sending Tammi. She knows this pain and she helps me as I help her grieve for her beloved Scott.

I’m glad you’re someplace where pain can no longer touch you.

Remember when it rained

by Josh Groban

Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you.
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
Felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
In the darkness I remain.

Tears of hope run down my skin.
Tears for you that will not dry.
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
I felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
In the water I remain
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down

Diagnosis +3, Departure

Thursday morning, May 14th.

Marilyn’s breathing became more and more labored through the day with increasing congestion. Her color changed. Her muscles became slack. It was clear her spirit was ranging widely. Friends heard her speaking to them clearly while they were elsewhere – they believe she was callling them to her side.

Looking at her around 4pm (I think) something in my heart spoke out: “She will not last the night”

Her few living relatives were called, the extended family already en route were warned to be fleet.

Evening came and she began to breathe slower and slower. She had not eaten or drank since early Tuesday, she could not draw fluid from a straw or chew and swallow.

Our friends gathered in her room as the agonal breathing began at approximately 11pm. In minutes her breaths were coming further and further apart until finally they were tiny gasps minutes apart.

crest_robertsonI kissed her and wished her godspeed, fine warrior woman that she was. She had put the Robertson clan pin on me at our wedding and I called out to those brave people to make clear her way, one of their own was returning. I called the departed scions of clan Wray to answer their motto of just and true and attend her also.

Her last breath came and the pause stretched and stretched. At last it became obvious she had gone.

I had no tears left, we had spent so many days and nights together in the hospital as she fought cancer, fearing her death then that all I could feel was relief for our shared suffering’s end.

She asked me not to grieve her but to go on and live my remaining years filled with joy that she was walking with Jesus now and that our shared salvation meant we would one day be rejoined.

Goodbye my wife, eleven years was barely time to realize what a godsend you were to me. Every day in the light with you was special.

Every moment I remember you is too.

In a month we’ll gather at our special places in the mountains to scatter your ashes so that your corporeal being will rejoin the earth that loves it and surely love will spring up again.

Since Love is the surest sign of the presence of the Divine and your gathered friends will be feeling their love for you burning brightly, I know you will also attend with our Savior by your side.

In that most perfect of cathedrals I will bid you final adieu, O Wife and begin the journey to my own gateway, knowing I will find you waiting there with our clans gathered to celebrate.

Fly high little bird, I will watch the skies until then.

Marilyn Wray 2003

I encourage you to also view these pages: (image click to enlarge)

Marilyn at one month

My little ballerina

Marilyn as Shirley Temple

Marilyn and Kiki

Cowboy kids


Chloe and mom

Big Mama’s Posse