M. Douglas Wray

Humans, the other white meat

From Table of Malcontents: Robot Identifies Human Flesh as Bacon

“Let the robot holocaust commence: robots think we taste like bacon … Upon being given a sample, he will speak up in a childlike voice and identify what he has just been fed. The idea is that wineries can tell if a wine is authentic without even opening the bottle, amongst other more obscure uses … like ‘tell me what this strange grayish lump at the back of my freezer is/was.’ But when some smart aleck reporter placed his hand in the robot’s omnivorous clanking jaw, he was identified as bacon. A cameraman then tried and was identified as prosciutto.”

I’ll never reach up into a vending machine again. ::shudder!::

Suddenly all those glowing red lights in my office aren’t nearly as comforting.

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