M. Douglas Wray

Hot Topics

by Ruth Hendrix

(MDW – folks, please note, this is humor – perhaps a smidge harsh/satirical – but humor nonetheless)

Hot Topics Writing Assignment

(Write a Pro and Con position to respond to each question)

Do we belong in Iraq?

Con: Of course we do. We belong wherever the oil is. How it got under their soil is beyond me. I think fighting future terrorism by becoming the terrorist is a brilliant strategy. A very famous politician once said, tell the masses the big lies and they will believe you. If you tell little lies they will pick them apart, at least that is how Hitler said he won over the people. I think weapons of mass destruction were one of the best lies we could tell to get our hands on a stronghold in the Middle East. Also by holding Iraqi parents away from there kids for years and then letting them go home afterwards, we insure that they will be our future allies. After all spending two years in Gitmo, as our prisoners, helps to build years of lasting memories. In addition, American families will be stronger after facing the deaths and horrible injuries that our young men and women are suffering in this war. Think of how close future families will be living with all that sadness in common. And besides the Bible says, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.” I cannot remember if that phrase came before or after the Thou shalt not kill thing.

Source: Ecclesiastes (ch. IX, v. 10)

Pro: Of course, we belong in Iraq. Saddam Hussein was a cruel and ruthless dictator. In fact, we should have taken him out during Desert Storm when he invaded neighboring Kuwait, maybe then Osama Bin Laden would have thought twice about having his homies attack the United States. Yes, I understand that Saddam and Osama both had step daddy’s that made their lives a living hell growing up. However, that just furthers the arguments that they are too damaged to ever learn to play nice with others. Yes, they needed to be taken care of. It is important at least in Saddam’s case to acknowledge that he was raising another generation of pervs. There are video’s of some of the sicko stuff his sons were doing to friends and foes alike. In some cases, to their own relatives. And besides the Bible says, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.”

Source: Ecclesiastes (ch. IX, v. 10)

(MDW – I love how she uses the same Biblical passage to support both positions! Ruthie has a keen sense of humor/irony)

Allowing Prayer in Schools

Con: If you allow prayer in schools, then people with argue and hurt each other over who has the best imaginary friend. This takes away valuable time from teaching them things that they need to know. Like who won the Civil War. Learning with an open mind is the only way one truly learns. Forcing children to judge each other’s Gods is not conducive to learning with an open mind. This forcing of prayers will separate people from learning and force them into choosing sides. I once sat in the Valley of the Temples in Kaneohe, Hawaii. It is a segregated cemetery with each of the religions represented by a small temple. The members of these religions were buried with others who believed likewise. This is a perfect example of the types of separation and confusion that allowing prayer in the schools will bring.

Pro: I think children should be allowed to pray in school. Especially right before a test that they have not studied for. It is not as if anyone can stop you. I mean, how would anyone know you are praying anyway. The people, who chose to, will always be able to pray in school, whether or not it is accompanied by a voice that comes over the loud speaker or over some lousy cafeteria food.

Capital Punishment

Con: The bible states clearly thou shalt not kill. I believe that it is wrong to kill another. I think it would be better if we just studied them. Maybe if we learn how we create them, we could keep from making more. I don’t believe in evil, in the devil sense at least. I believe that damage made by mental, physical and environmental factors creates the bad people of the world. I wish I could save them all, except Saddam and Osama. I am not all my brothers’ keeper.

Pro: I was born in TX, and they use their electric chair ‘Ole Sparky’ like it was a

bug zapper. I say look on the bright side every time they do it, it is one less Texan. And if they do it long enough, maybe they will get to the Texan I would like to see sitting there.

Legalization of Marijuana

Con: I don’t believe marijuana should be legal because the taxes imposed will cause the prices to go up. If you want to smoke pot in this country just get as far away from the White House as you can. The closer you get to it, the less fun you get to have. But if you can’t move don’t worry, you can still buy pot in every state. It just cost more if you get caught in one of the hard ass states. I had a few other thoughts on this too, but I got stoned and now I can’t remember them.

Pro: I think pot should be legal. It would allow closet potheads to come out in the open and people could see that professionals who use pot and are successful are the norm, not the exception. If cigarettes are legal, and booze is legal, then it serves that pot should be too. There is so much misinformation being thrown around that it is as if marijuana is a man put in prison for a crime he did not commit, and he is waiting until one day the evidence will clear him. I hope.

Human Cloning

Con: Wow, Wow, Wow, was the first wow really the same as the last, of course not, case closed. If would be foolish go think that one could create something that is a direct replica of something else. It will never be the same as the first, just like the wows. One is the first, another is the second, and one is the last. There is no such thing as an exact replica. Each will be different, due to environment and many social factors.

Pro: I would like nothing better than a blank replica of my twenty-one year old self to dump this old heart and soul into. As I get older, I wish for a safety net. A net that would delay death or pain from an unexpected disease. I can see where being able to clone myself would give me such a net. Also, I would like to experiment with duplicates of my kids, so I could see if I had done certain things different how they would have been different.

Animal Cloning

Con: I am against the cloning of animals for the same reason I am against cloning a human, I just don’t think replication is really possible. And there was this really tough steak I had once, that I just don’t want to chance ever having again.

Pro: I think it would have been nice to see my dog Icabod again. He was so cute until that car smashed him flat. I would like a clone of him. But not my cat Annie, she lived for over twenty years, that is just way too long to clean a litter box if you ask me.

Stem Cell Research

Con: I am not sure why people want to mess with God’s creations. They are always trying to find ways around his reasoning and powers. An embryonic stem cell is a cell that has not yet decided it’s path and only God should decide what happens next. If God wants you to die of a brain tumor, who are you to question his choice. We will probably get some kind of mutants going if we keep messing with stem cells. For those who value life from conception, embryonic cells will never be an option. They are taken from a baby that is just forming and has not yet reached the age when an abortion is against the law. Therefore taking the cells means you want to kill babies, shame on you.

Pro: There are actually three kinds of stem cells, adult, cord, and embryonic, to argue the pros of each, understanding each is necessary. The first, adult stem cells come from already living people, cord cells come from cords of babies, and last but not least embryonic cells that come from embryos. Why not just research the two that don’t make people think you are a baby killer, shame on you.

Urban Sprawl / Eminent Domain

Con: The worst part about Urban sprawl is the pollution that goes with it. Once blue skies are dimmed to a grungy grey, but this type of pollution does make for some great sunsets. Polluted skies are a visible form of the problems brought on by Urban Sprawl. A mental form of pollution would be that caused by the stress of having your property taken through Eminent Domain. Of course, I have heard that those little blue anti-stress pills make for nice sunsets too. Then there is the pollution of agricultural land being used to build subdivisions, churches, and schools. It is ok here in Tennessee though because California grows two out of every three bites eaten in America, will just have to let them grow all three. Plus, if we don’t farm, we will have more time for those great sunsets.

Pro: Best part of Urban sprawl is the sunsets…

Abortion

Con: I guess the con of an abortion would be wishing that you didn’t do it, after you already had. Of course, we could just make a rule that you do the best you can with the knowledge you have, but that when you get more knowledge later on, it is not retroactive to a thought or a decision from your past. After all if you join AA all your sins are righted. So we could make another rule that after you have an abortion you could go to Abortion AA and have your slate wiped clean. Then there would be no downside to abortions.

Pro: There would be less unwanted children in America. There would be less Californians in America. There would be less __________ (put who you want less of here) in America.

Assisted Suicide

Con: I think the downside to this would be that some would used as an excuse to commit murder. Of course if your dumb enough to get killed maybe you should be out of the gene pool. Of course if you’re a nice person and got caught on an off day, that would be a con. Also, if you are assisted it is not really suicide by definition, it is consensual murder, we should probably pass a law making it ok to kill yourself then we wouldn’t need assistance.

Pro: If a person wants to be dead, then why make them live. Let them go and deal with whatever comes next. It would be nice if people who want to die could do so in a neat and tidy fashion. That way there is less to clean up and less trama for those left to find the dead that were not assisted. When I get old I am moving to Oregon where assisted death is legal. I am also going to take up heroin for my eightieth birthday, so I won’t be in pain all the time. I have never tried it, but my birthdays are often the mark of new beginnings. When I run out of money for heroin, I will just get the help of my doctor to take the Hwy to heaven, wheeeeeee.

Corporate Sponsorship of America

Con: Nextel Cup is way more politically correct that Winston Cup, because of the stain on so many fingers. It is hard to remember to say Nextel after 23 years of saying the Winston Cup. That is definitely a con.

Pro: Previously, most of the lesser followed sports, like surfing, did not offer the athletes much chance to make a living off their talents. Also advertising used to be targeted to a much more conservative audience than it is now and people want to see extreme sports, not frickin boring football games. Except in the southern states. So anyway, the sponsors followed with advertising like Do the Dew, Just Do it, and Doo woppa Doo Doo.

Cell Phones in Public Places

Con: I think that you should not have a conversation on one in public, but text messaging is ok as long a you have a light, not a ring tone, to tell you that a text message has arrived or sent. I will be so happy when the stem cell people can make us telepathic and none of us will need cell phones in public.

Pro: Cell phones come in handy whenever you want to record police brutality or a flood or something like that. Maybe your license plate on your car should be you cell number and I could call and tell you what I think of your driving. You know, like thanks for letting me in, that was nice of you, or pull over so I can kick you ass. Whatever.

Welfare System

Con: In some cases, welfare dependency is passed from generation to generation. While it was meant to be a stopgap measure for emergencies, it became a way of life for some. Kinda like the rich people’s kids who are elected to office, so that after one term, they get a large sum of money for the rest of their lives. You know, like all our senators and congressional representatives. That would definitely be the downside of welfare for the rich.

Pro: A positive aspect of Welfare would be less hunger. And less abortions, because you know you will have financial help. And less criminals, because Moms won’t have to work and could be home with their children. Which I always thought was way harder than holding a job. So I guess welfare for moms staying home is a pro for the children and a con for the mom.

Taking God out of the Pledge of Allegiance

Con: Taking God out of the Pledge of Allegiance would be like saying we do not believe in God. It would send a message to other people in other countries that we do not believe in God and then they would think it was ok to kill us.

Pro: I think we should change it to one nation under the influence. Or better yet, one nation under DOD (Department of Defense) that way the God people could secretly say God instead of DOD and no one would know the difference, so everyone is happy.

Smoking in public/banning smoking in public

Con: Smoking in public is wrong. No one should be exposed in public to toxins not of their own choosing, including smoke. I do not want my children exposed to public smoking because I do not want them to smoke. If you make it wrong to smoke in public, kids who are looking for a way to be different from their parents, might chose not smoking as a way to rebel. There are no cons to banning public smoking. Unless you meant pot smoking, I think that should be allowed if not mandatory for all children brought out in public, especially at restaurants.

Pro: One of the many pros of smoking in public is that I get nervous around children in public and smoking calms me down, which keeps me from killing the children in public who annoy me. Another pro to smoking in public is you can blow smoke on people you hate and want to get lung cancer, like children who do not behave. Maybe we should ban children in public.

Mandatory Vaccines

Con: I am not up on why people would not want to vaccinate, you don’t want you are your dog to come down with rabies or tetanus do you? Do not hesitate, just go ahead and vaccinate. If your pet dies there are plenty more where they came from, kids too for that matter.

Pro: We have through the mandatory vaccines to attend school programs, almost completely gotten rid of several diseases. Many others have been prevented from sickening our children. Our life spans have continued to increase and some studies attribute the increase to vaccinations for tetanus, the flu, and even pneumonia. People should know our government would never ok a vaccine that would hurt us, would they?

Same sex marriages

Con: The downside to same sex marriage is that the Republican’s won’t have a way to scare the people who hate gays into voting for them, even though most of the Republicans are gay themselves.

Pro: I have been married three times and my gay girlfriend has only been with one person in all that time. I think they should let her try it, she seems to be pretty good at that commitment stuff.

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