Fire and Water


Oh man… that has GOT to hurt. That’ll teach him to go easy on the hot sauce… woooeeee!!


Ah, beer. It’s not just for breakfast anymore. I’m sure he’s a big hit at boat shows.

Dark Cow

Three rings for the elven cows under the sky

Seven for the dwarf cows in their stalls of stone

Nine for McDonald’s cows, doomed to die

One for the Dark Cow on her Dark Throne

In the Land of Moodor where the milkshakes fly

One Cow to rule them all, One Cow to bilk them

One Cow to bring them all and in the darkness milk them

In the Land of Moodor where the milkshakes fly

Humans, the other white meat

From Table of Malcontents: Robot Identifies Human Flesh as Bacon

“Let the robot holocaust commence: robots think we taste like bacon … Upon being given a sample, he will speak up in a childlike voice and identify what he has just been fed. The idea is that wineries can tell if a wine is authentic without even opening the bottle, amongst other more obscure uses … like ‘tell me what this strange grayish lump at the back of my freezer is/was.’ But when some smart aleck reporter placed his hand in the robot’s omnivorous clanking jaw, he was identified as bacon. A cameraman then tried and was identified as prosciutto.”

I’ll never reach up into a vending machine again. ::shudder!::

Suddenly all those glowing red lights in my office aren’t nearly as comforting.

Beer Prayer

I can’t take credit for this wonderful prayer. I just neatened it up and put it in a standard format for your printing pleasure. Enjoy!

The Beer Prayer

Our Lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy Drink.

Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
at home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
and forgive us our spillage,
as we forgive those who spill upon us.

And lead us not into incarceration,
but deliver us from hangovers.

For thine is the beer,
the bitter,
and the lager.


Beer Prayer Thumbnail

Beer Prayer (PDF, 516Kb)