Darkest Days

May 14 is my darkest day and the ones following are a slow climb back up to the Light.

Each year my soul remembers this ordeal, but from a farther vantage, the pain reduced by distance. No longer a searing white spear through my burning heart but a still-sharp red-hot lancet that leaves a small smoking brand on that worst of scars. A cold rushes over me as I remember Marilyn’s last breath. That awful moment of realization that it was her last and the sun in my world literally winking out and the stars shrinking back from my grief. I can hold this awful memory in my hands now, my heart absorbs the blow without flinching. The Darkness no longer frightens me now that I know my beloved Wife is there and surely kicking it’s ASS, waiting for me and reinforcements to arrive. Probably planting a garden and flowers too.

Thank you Didibear for being my wife and my lover. I miss you. There is still a void in the World that you once filled. SO many people miss you.

Thank you for the lessons you taught me – most of all I will drink deep until my cup is stricken down as well.

God bless you Wife.

I come in my own time.

There is still Work to do.

M. Douglas Wray and Marilyn Lawrence at Hoverhome in Longmont, CO - June 28, 1998
M. Douglas Wray and Marilyn Lawrence at Hoverhome in Longmont, CO – June 28, 1998

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