As I was doing laundry today, I sorted out my sock drawer and paired up the socks. As I did I folded over the neck of each pair to keep them together, unconciously imitating my friend Kate’s way of organizing them.

I realized as I did that I’ve ‘collected’ bits of behavior from all the people I know. A saying here, a mannerism there – each one a small homage to the person it came from.

At that moment it struck me that all the bits of Marilyn I’ve incorporated into myself were hurting because of her absence – and all the rest of me cried out with them.

Bit by bit I sort out the house, decide which of her things to keep and which to cast away. The choices are getting easier. I think partly because she’s slowly fading away.

As I mowed and watered today I could feel her looking over my shoulder.

I think she was smiling because her prized roses are being taken care of.

It’s okay Didi, I won’t let all your work go to waste.

It gives me a chance to touch the thing you loved most after me.

Somehow it was very comforting.