War Rationale: Version 10.0
Here, in Silicon Valley terminology, is a review of the Bush administration’s year in Iraq:
Saddam Hussein poses an ‘imminent threat’ to the American people.
* Version 1.0 – Saddam Hussein is an imminent threat
* Version 1.01 – Saddam Hussein is a gathering threat
* Version 1.02 – Saddam Hussein poses a real and dangerous threat
* Version 1.1 – The smoking gun will be a mushroom cloud
* Version 1.2 – We can’t afford to wait
* Version 1.3 – We never said imminent
* Version 1.3.1 – OK, maybe we did say it once or twice
* Version 1.4 – We should have been more precise
Saddam Hussein is ready to use weapons of mass destruction.
* Version 2.1 – Saddam has weapons of mass destruction
* Version 2.2 – Saddam has nuclear weapons
* Version 2.3 – Saddam has biological agents he’s never accounted for
* Version 2.3.1 – The trailers are mobile labs for producing chemical weapons
* Version 2.3.2 – Unmanned aircraft are ready to spread Saddam’s biological weapons
* Version 2.4 – Saddam’s going to make more of all these weapons
* Version 2.5 – We all know where the weapons are
* Version 2.5.1 – Well, Saddam has used weapons of mass destruction
* Version 2.5.2 – Iraq is a big country. We’ll find the weapons eventually.
* Version 2.5.3 – Saddam had weapons of mass destruction programs
* Version 2.5.4 – Saddam had “weapons of mass destruction program-related activities”
* Version 2.5.5 – David Kay? Who’s David Kay?
* Version 2.6 – It’s not about misleading the American people-Saddam Hussein is gone and that’s the most important thing
The intelligence is clear.
* Version 3.0 – We based our statements on our available intelligence
* Version 3.1 – Saddam tried to buy uranium ore in Niger
* Version 3.1.2 – Well, that was what the British told us
* Version 3.1.3 – Did we tell you about Joe Wilson’s wife?
* Version 3.1.4 – Do you know a good lawyer?
* Version 3.2 – The intelligence is absolutely clear
* Version 3.2.1 – Intelligence is never 100 percent certain
* Version 3.2.2 – We didn’t manipulate the intelligence
* Version 3.3 – There was no consensus within the intelligence community
* Version 3.3.1 – We saw the same intelligence the last administration did
Saddam Hussein has deep ties to Al Qaeda.
* Version 4.0 – Saddam has long-standing ties to Al Qaeda
* Version 4.0.1 – You can’t distinguish between Saddam and Al Qaeda
* Version 4.0.2 – There is an Al Qaeda terrorist network in Iraq
* Version 4.0.3 – Saddam has provided Al Qaeda with chemical and biological weapons training.
* Version 4.0.4 – Saddam will give his weapons to Al Qaeda
* Version 4.0.5 – Colin Powell: I have not seen smoking-gun, concrete evidence about the connection [between Al Qaeda and Iraq]
* Version 4.0.6 – Vice President Cheney: I still believe there’s a connection.
* Version 4.0.7 – CIA Director George Tenet: I told Dick not to say that.
The United Nations just can’t handle this.
* Version 5.0 – The UN had 12 years to deal with this
* Version 5.1 – We don’t trust the UN to handle this
* Version 5.1.1 – We don’t need the UN’s help
* Version 5.1.2 – The UN should play a vital, but not central role
* Version 5.1.3 – You there, UN, tell Ayatollah Sistani that elections aren’t possible
* Version 5.1.4 – UN, please oversee the election process
* Version 5.1.5 – Pretty please? We’ll pay our dues
The war in Iraq won’t hurt our efforts in Afghanistan or the hunt for bin Laden.
* Version 6.0 – Iraq won’t affect our hunt for bin Laden
* Version 6.1 – Assets have been moved from Afghanistan to Iraq
* Version 6.1.1 – Assets are being returned to Afghanistan
* Version 6.2 – We’re mounting a spring offensive against bin Laden
* Version 6.2.1 – We’ll catch bin Laden this year
* Version 6.2.2 – We hope to catch bin Laden this year
* Version 6.3 – Even if we catch bin Laden, the threat will still exist.
Mission accomplished.
* Version 7.0 – We won’t need hundreds of thousands of troops-that’s wildly off the mark
* Version 7.1 – Mission accomplished
* Version 7.1.1 – We’ll stay as long as needed and not one day more
* Version 7.1.2 – The troops will be home in six months
* Version 7.1.3 – The Iraqi Army will provide security
* Version 7.1.4 – Where’s the Iraqi Army?
* Version 7.1.5 – We’ve disbanded the Iraqi Army
* Version 7.1.3 – The troops will stay a year and be replaced
* Version 7.2 – We’re training the Iraqi army-Iraqification will work
* Version 7.2.1 – We don’t need any more American troops
* Version 7.2.2 – Well, maybe we do
* Version 7.2.3 – We’re keeping 30,000 more troops on active duty than were authorized
* Version 7.2.4 – We don’t know if this increase in troops is a spike or a plateau
* Version 7.2.5 – We’re establishing stop loss so troops can’t leave
* Version 7.2.6 – The Army is planning multi-year rotations
The cost to the American taxpayer.
* Version 8.0 – Economic advisor Larry Lindsey: The war will cost $200 billion
* Version 8.0.1 – President Bush: You’re fired!
* Version 8.1 – The war will pay for itself very quickly
* Version 8.1.1 – Iraqi oil revenue will pay for reconstruction
* Version 8.2 – Our allies will help us
* Version 8.3 – We’ll pay for the war through supplementals
* Version 8.3.1 – Congress wouldn’t let us put it in the budget
* Version 8.3.2 – Can we please have $87 billion?
* Version 8.3.3 – Well, we really can’t calculate what it will cost…
* Version 8.3.4 – Well, maybe we can-$50 billion may be on the low side
* Version 8.3.5 – Ask us after November 2…
Democracy comes to Iraq.
* Version 9.0 – We will be greeted as liberators
* Version 9.0.1 – We’ll establish democracy in Iraq
* Version 9.1 – We’ll turn this back to the Iraqis quickly
* Version 9.1.1 – President Chalabi will be welcomed with open arms
* Version 9.1.2 – Well, not so fast-we’re prohibiting political parties
* Version 9.2 – We have the November 15 agreement-it’s unchangeable
* Version 9.2.1 – We will appoint a small governing council
* Version 9.2.2 – Well, maybe a larger one
* Version 9.3 – We don’t favor elections
* Version 9.3.1 – Caucuses work in Iowa, why not Iraq?
* Version 9.3.2 – OK fine, we’ll have elections
* Version 9.4 – We can’t return sovereignty until there is a constitution
* Version 9.4.1 – Never mind, we’ll turn over sovereignty first
* Version 9.4.2 – We need to return this to the Iraqis-How about June 30?
* Version 9.4.3 – We’re still focused on elections-the ones on November 2
The very bottom line.
* Version 10.0 – Trust us. We know what we’re doing
